Part 1:
I suppose an alternate title could be what would it mean for me to acknowledge my parents’ role in my abuse. And is this one of the core issues for me?
There are two points of view in this: the child’s and the adult looking back.
But first a much need history lesson, which I didn’t realize at first until someone reminded me. I grew up in the 1960’s and 70’s and it was much different back then for children than today. Back then children were considered property, priests could abuse children with impunity, and children had no voice. There was no one a child could turn to since children basically had no rights and adults were believed over children. I hope you get the idea of the kind of environment I came from. It is much different today.
This has been most difficult for me to write. Resistance has been quite strong and last week when I finally returned to writing this blog, it was very triggering. Even opening it up yesterday to write was triggering.
With that being said, I’ve finally begun to break the fierce resistance I’ve been feeling. So let’s continue.
It has been extremely difficult for me to face the idea that my parents had a role in my abuse/torture. I would much rather say I made it up or I’m just plain crazy. The one thing that contradicts those wishes is the fact that I’m a multiple. It’s funny how I seem to be willing to discount my multiple personalities (the others) and instead say I’m making it or I’m crazy, which sounds crazy in itself!
So I’m going to take this slow in order to try to minimize the extreme triggering that’s been happening.
Part 2 to follow.