Once I became aware of the castle, it wasn’t my intention of doing anything to alter the building in anyway. It kept them safe and hidden for a long time. The time spent with the therapist was important, but the healing really began once I started working with my massage therapist.
I agonized over how to tell her about the others without scaring her. I ended up telling her bit by bit so not to overwhelm her and to explain how things were with me. That included the castle.
It wasn’t until much later on did I tell her about the structure. Some of the rooms were dark and dusty, like a room that hadn’t seen the light of day for a long time.
It’s actually taken quite a few years of hard work to get to the point where the inside could be cleaned out, so to speak. Memories and triggers would come up to work on. But a funny thing happened on the road to healing.
We started cleaning out the inside of the castle. Going into dark rooms and shining a light whatever was hiding in there-a memory to process, an alter who needed to talk to the massage therapist to help them let go of whatever they needed to let go of.
And that’s how it happened. Bit by bit, looking in the various rooms, shining a light and cleaning out the room. But it wasn’t just me. Different alters were involved in this process too. Doing the work they needed to do in order to further their healing.
I’m not quite sure how it happened, but somewhere along the way, the castle began to decrease in size. It shrank from a castle to a house. Everybody was healing, releasing what they needed to release and getting stronger.
Today, I don’t really sense any structure at all. Perhaps my father’s death provided a sense of safety without the need to hide behind some impenetrable building, that we could be safe without it. Perhaps the threat was finally eliminated.
More than once, I acknowledged to the massage therapist that although my head knew my father was in his nineties and unlikely to come and get me/us, inside felt very different. The threat was still there, alive and well, ready to come and get me at will.
The castle is gone, replaced I think by nature’s healing landscape, providing a sanctuary where we all can rest and relax.
Up next: Can I get my body back?