PT3 While I only tried to kill myself only once, the suicidal ideation continued for years (decades!). One example of this was I would play “chicken” with cars. Crossing the road while a car was coming, luckily, I never got hit. But that was one example of my strong desire to die without committing suicide.… Continue reading More on Suicidal Thoughts
Overcoming Decades of Wanting to Kill Myself
PT2 One thing I will say about my unsuccessful suicide attempt, was that it wasn’t my exit point. That’s a recent revelation on my part and I will be going into it in a future post. At any rate, it was not my time to go, hence the unsuccessful attempt. I did not know that… Continue reading Overcoming Decades of Wanting to Kill Myself
More on How My Cat Triggered Me.
My new cat Stevie came from a horrible neglectful situation. And it was that neglect that triggered me. I wasn’t sure what about his situation triggered me, so I went online to investigate (the internet can be good for some things)! Anyway, I decided to research the difference between abuse and neglect. At that point… Continue reading More on How My Cat Triggered Me.
The Body and Dissociation
One of the things I’d read about (again, before, the internet!) was how the body could change depending on which alter was out, or in control. One alter could have a particular food allergy for example, while no other alters had that issue. I was not aware of how dissociation affected me and my body… Continue reading The Body and Dissociation
The Damage from Jury Duty
I didn’t realize while sitting in the jury box that I was dissociating. Once I was dismissed, I proceeded to go home. Jury duty was on a Monday. I was off Tuesday and went back to work on Wednesday. I was anxious and tense, particularly when other coworkers came into the room I worked in.… Continue reading The Damage from Jury Duty
More on Jury Duty
PT.3 As I was sitting in the jury box waiting for questions from both sides, `I looked at the defendant. and discovered his family was sitting in the audience section of the courtroom. I was calm at this point as nothing had happened yet. It was a rare moment of calm which didn’t last long.… Continue reading More on Jury Duty
JURY DUTY
PT.2 The person in charge of the jury, seated me. There were 2 forms in front of me to fill out. My hands were shaking so bad that I had trouble filling out the juror form. I think it was barely legible. Normally. I’m not aware of my hand tremors, though other people are. In… Continue reading JURY DUTY
Jury Duty
PT. 1 Several months ago, I received in the mail an initial qualification from the county jury office. I filled it out and sent it back. A couple of months later, I received a jury summons. I was to call on a certain day. My intuition told me that it would be Monday (My jury… Continue reading Jury Duty
How a Coworkers family death triggered me
I work in a very small department in my company. I work 4–10 hour days, with 3 of those days working with 1 other person. I get along really well with this person. In fact, we talk an awful lot about stuff. It’s funny, because outside of work we would never even cross paths. But… Continue reading How a Coworkers family death triggered me
A Coworkers Question about my Family
About a month ago, maybe two, a coworker whom I had known for a number of years (note: I’m very bad with the concept of time. See a previous post on that.) At any rate, she casually asked about my family: brothers, sisters, etc, Basically normal stuff. I believe I basically answered her questions. I… Continue reading A Coworkers Question about my Family
An Unexpected Death
I took my cat Bonnie Raitt out for a walk on a Friday afternoon on her leash (it’s the only way they go outside). She was fine, happily going into the backyard munching grass. She was fine. I had noticed though, she’d lost a little bit of weight, but I wasn’t too concerned. I didn’t… Continue reading An Unexpected Death
Why am I afraid to let people help me?
I work full time for this company. My particular department is small, only consisting of a handful of people. I trained all of the other people who work in this department. There are 2 shifts. Right now, there are 2 people to cover M-F for each shift. My co-worker works with me on Tuesday, Wednesday,… Continue reading Why am I afraid to let people help me?
Cutting the Strings
PT.1 I was talking to my massage therapist during a Life Coaching session (who by the way is really good at that, but more on that later) and I believe we touched on the subject of what’s blocking me, or something like that. I could be wrong, but that’s the gist of it. At any… Continue reading Cutting the Strings
TIME
I believe time is a man-made invention, at least from my perspective. Most people, I think, believe that time is linear. And it may be for them. For me, however, time is not linear. I’ve heard of some people having no sense of direction (my massage therapist for one!). Me, however, I have no concept… Continue reading TIME