PT3 While I only tried to kill myself only once, the suicidal ideation continued for years (decades!). One example of this was I would play “chicken” with cars. Crossing the road while a car was coming, luckily, I never got hit. But that was one example of my strong desire to die without committing suicide.… Continue reading More on Suicidal Thoughts
Overcoming Decades of Wanting to Kill Myself
PT2 One thing I will say about my unsuccessful suicide attempt, was that it wasn’t my exit point. That’s a recent revelation on my part and I will be going into it in a future post. At any rate, it was not my time to go, hence the unsuccessful attempt. I did not know that… Continue reading Overcoming Decades of Wanting to Kill Myself
More on How My Cat Triggered Me.
My new cat Stevie came from a horrible neglectful situation. And it was that neglect that triggered me. I wasn’t sure what about his situation triggered me, so I went online to investigate (the internet can be good for some things)! Anyway, I decided to research the difference between abuse and neglect. At that point… Continue reading More on How My Cat Triggered Me.
The Body and Dissociation
One of the things I’d read about (again, before, the internet!) was how the body could change depending on which alter was out, or in control. One alter could have a particular food allergy for example, while no other alters had that issue. I was not aware of how dissociation affected me and my body… Continue reading The Body and Dissociation
Inside with the Alters
When the alters first began coming out and talking to the therapist we had at the time, I was not aware of who they were, what they were saying or how long they’d been out. There was no memory, just a blank spot with no idea how much time had passed. As time went on,… Continue reading Inside with the Alters
Peter
Peter is the 7-year-old alter. I remember that it took quite a long time before he felt safe enough to come out on his own. There would be times in early therapy that Peter would “peek” out. I wasn’t aware of it, but my therapist could tell. Evidently, there was some look in my eyes… Continue reading Peter
More on my Revelation
As I stated before, I was walking down the driveway to my car early one morning to go to work, when I suddenly realized I felt safe. It’s always dark at that time, no matter the time of the year. I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt safe in my life. So it was a… Continue reading More on my Revelation
An Unexpected Revelation
I’ll get back to alters and the body in another post, but I had this major revelation earlier this week. When I lived in the Midwest, my parents lived one state over. There was a distance of about 500 miles between us, about an 8-hour drive. I did not feel completely safe there, since my… Continue reading An Unexpected Revelation
How My Body Changes When the Others are Out.
Right now, there are several main alters: a 7-year-old boy along with his protect protector, who is in his early to mid-twenties. He is around 6′ 2 inches, maybe slightly taller, very strong and muscular. He is much stronger and taller than me. Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do. I haven’t… Continue reading How My Body Changes When the Others are Out.
The Body and Different Personalities
When I was working in a lab type of setting, I had to lift the full glass water bottles. The case was an awkward size to pick up, particularly when it was full of water. It probably weighed around 60-65 pounds. There was really only one person there strong enough to pick it up without… Continue reading The Body and Different Personalities
Are They Still There?
It’s been 8 months since my father died. Inside, it’s been very quiet. Almost eerily so. A quiet I’m not used to. Aside from the quietude, the headaches have been very rare. I don’t know what the relationship is between being a multiple and having headaches is, but I suspect it has something to do… Continue reading Are They Still There?
More on My Father, the Fine Upstanding Community Member
I think I might have been in college when this particular event happened. I was probably home for the weekend or something. I have this image of me being older. I was either in the kitchen or passing through, when I was asked to do something. I think both of my parents were in the… Continue reading More on My Father, the Fine Upstanding Community Member
A Fine Upstanding Member of the Community?
When I was born, a savings account was created at a local Savings & Loan. I think it started with $500 or so. I think all of us had one. It wasn’t until I really started saving money. By the time I was in my late teens, I had $7000+ in that account. It would… Continue reading A Fine Upstanding Member of the Community?
More on the Audio Clip
In a previous blog, I had stated that a plane picked up my father to take him to Denver. After listening to the clip again, I was wrong about the location. A plane flew from Las Vegas to pick him up. I’m not sure why, but this changed things for me. My father had business… Continue reading More on the Audio Clip