March 22, I got the call about my father had died. It was around 2 p.m. my time, when i got the call.
It’s funny how I found out he was dying. I wonder if they even were planning on letting me know. My older sister and her husband send out Christmas cards every year and include a summary of their year (written by the husband). I received my Christmas card in mid-January. It included an explanation why the lateness. That’s when I found out my father was in hospice, at his home as it turned out. It was only later I was included in a group text with my remaining siblings concerning my father and his health updates.
That’s how I knew he had died. My oldest sister, the nurse, was out there with him and he informed her that morning he was dying. I did receive texts from about how he was doing. One of the later ones mentioned his death. My other sister called me to let me know he had died.
I had no immediate reaction to the news. A little later, I remember thinking I should feel sad. But the truth was, I wasn’t sad. In fact, that day I really didn’t feel anything. It wasn’t until Sunday, when my feelings about his death, began to surface. More on that in a minute.
Monday morning came and I got up as usual to go to work. I arrived and ended up talking to a couple of women I work with in the warehouse not far from where I work. Now I usually stop there, or they stop in my area, and we chat for a couple of minutes.
I mentioned to them my father had died over the weekend and one woman immediately said, “I’m sorry”. My quick response was “please don’t be, I’m not”. It almost seems like it just came out without thinking. I think she asked me if we were estranged, I said yes. My other colleague said “condolences,” which I accepted. The only other person at work I told was my manager.
No one else knows, other than my massage therapist/holistic life coach, since I work with her on this shit.
My feelings and reaction since then, have been most interesting. More on that next.