When the alters first began coming out and talking to the therapist we had at the time, I was not aware of who they were, what they were saying or how long they’d been out. There was no memory, just a blank spot with no idea how much time had passed.
As time went on, I gradually became aware (co-conscious) of some of the alters, though this process was very gradual. The protector showed himself first, to make sure all was safe for Peter to come out and talk to the therapist.
First I became aware of the mannerisms of the body. It seemed to get “bigger” when the protector was out and “smaller when Peter came out. Peter also had particular hand mannerisms that help to identify him. There is quite the size difference between a seven year old and a 23 year old.
Even though I became aware of them in the beginning, there were still blank spots in my memory. It’s a good thing I wasn’t diagnosed earlier in life because a) I wouldn’t have been prepared and b) I would have been locked up in the nut house.
Time and therapy allowed me to begin to visualize something inside where the alters would hide to keep safe. It kept them safe for many, many years.
The first thing I became aware of was a moat-like structure. Inside of the moat was a castle, with rooms to hide alters and memories. It’s no wonder why most of my life under the age of 12 was blank. And I thought this was normal, that everyone had this. My way of protecting myself, through denial and thinking this was all normal.
The castle has been there for a long time.
But a funny thing has happened since I began to work with my now Spiritual life coach/massage therapist.
More on that next.