I’ll get back to alters and the body in another post, but I had this major revelation earlier this week.
When I lived in the Midwest, my parents lived one state over. There was a distance of about 500 miles between us, about an 8-hour drive. I did not feel completely safe there, since my parents/family could drive over and surprise me.
Several years later, I moved out East and about that same time they were moving West. I felt a little safer with 3000 miles between us, but not completely. Of course, it didn’t help when my older brother threatened me. Nor did it help me feel safe when I had gotten a post office box in the small town I lived in at the time so my address would be exposed.
Imagine my shock and surprise when my sister was able to locate it online. I tried to be careful back then about that kind of stuff. Of course, it’s a lot easier today to get that information online.
But my sister being able to locate me when I was trying to “hide” so to speak, certainly did not make me feel safe. When I was in meetings with groups of people, I always needed a clear path to the exit. It was just a general sense of uneasiness, always at least at a low level, though sometimes higher.
Even when I moved int my house, there was a general low level of fear and uneasiness.
I live in a house in a city, and the roof of my house overhangs the driveway on one side a little bit. During the winter, icicles will sometimes hang from the gutter above the driveway. One winter my car windshield cracked because of falling ice. As a result, I sometimes park my car further down the driveway, closer to the street.
When I go to work in the morning, it is dark no matter the time of year, which doesn’t help, me feeling safe and secure. Now my driveway is not all that long. In fact, my car door is usually just beyond the side door. One step and I’m at the car door. Even that short of a distance was not enough to feel safe and secure.
My father has been dead for about 10 months now and I haven’t really thought much about that lately.
It wasn’t until the other morning when I was walking down my driveway to go to work that things had changed. But at the time I didn’t realize the significance of it.
More in the next post.