It’s been 8 months since my father died. Inside, it’s been very quiet. Almost eerily so. A quiet I’m not used to. Aside from the quietude, the headaches have been very rare. I don’t know what the relationship is between being a multiple and having headaches is, but I suspect it has something to do with the energy from switching personalities back and forth.
Before I found out about the others, when I was much younger, I believed I had cluster headaches, since mine seemed to occur in batches and not necessarily every day. Looking back, that was a time of active movement of the others, coming in and out.
So, when there were no headaches for the past few months, I began to wonder if they were still there, inside. I missed my 7-year-old alter coming out. His love of yellow dandelions and growing the tall variety of snap dragons. I missed his innocence and his lack of anger or being judgmental. It’s almost as if he harbors no ill effects from the abuse.
Then there is the 7-year-old’s protector. He’s a big, strong young man (maybe the next blog should be about how the body reacts to different personalities). He’s 23 years old and would do anything to protect this kid. He’s been quiet too. I haven’t heard anything from him either.
There have been periods of time in my life when I’ve felt good and at peace. But never 8 months. Something would inevitably happen to trigger me or I felt I didn’t deserve to feel good.
It all began to make me wonder if the others were still there. I spoke to my massage therapist about this, and she replied by visually clasping her hands together, saying we’re more together today than before and they were out more than I was in the past. That certainly never occurred to me. Yet another subject for a future blog.
By the of our chat, I had a headache A good sign as it meant the others were still there. Another sign: after a hard freeze, I brought some of my potted snapdragons inside and they ended up coming alive and further blooming. I could feel the excitement inside. Yes, they are still there and doing fine.