I met Fran about 6-9 months, maybe a year, after I moved to the State, I currently live in. I met her through mutual friends. She was about 40 years older than I was. The age difference didn’t matter, we developed a friendship. She lived close to me at the time. I would go visit her often to talk.
At that time, I was beginning to see a new therapist (yet another one!). As we were talking in the beginning, I don’t remember how long it was, my therapist suggested I had multiple personalities (MPD for short, now it’s DID).
After hearing the suggestion from my therapist, that I was a multiple, I stopped by Fran’s house to talk to her about what my therapist had suggested. Her response was “why am I not surprised?”
On a deep level, she knew.
I often think of that line when I’d had doubts about if I really had MPD.
Fran had emphysema. She evidently was a smoker, but when I knew her, she had quit. Eventually, she went into hospice for her condition. I would go to visit her often.
One day, she asked me to get her a particular book, which I did, being her friend, with no judgement. This book was a book on how to kill yourself, for those folks with terminal diseases. I had no problem buying this book for my dear friend, afterall, she was dying. Anyway, she read this book and got scared. She didn’t go that route.
She ended up in hospice for 2 years before she died. Towards the end, she took up smoking again. I had no problem with that, as I had no judgement. Eventually, the disease had it’s effects on her.
Towards the end, I would visit her and we would sit and talk. Sometimes, just sitting there.
As she was dying, I got the impression she was waiting for someone. I was not alone in that sentiment. I thought she was waiting for a family member. I was wrong.
I was sitting with her as she lay dying. An aid came to look. I felt annoyed because this was my time, but she didn’t stay long. I talked to Fran and said my goodbye.
Little did I know, she would die not long after that. It turned out the family member she was waiting for was me, not her biological family member.
I had no idea it was me she was waiting for. I only know that because shortly after I left, she died. I felt privileged, and honored, she would wait for me.
That’s why I wondered whether or not my father was waiting for my oldest sister to go out there for him to die. Evidently, she was his favorite child (who knew, certainly not me!). I just seemed like from the outside that perhaps my father was waiting for my oldest sister. I don’t know the answer to that.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to email me @dandelions