I had started writing a different blog about my father and was going to write about part of this idea of being the dutiful daughter when I had a session with my massage therapist/holistic life coach. Now I’d been seeing her for about 8-10 years. The only reason I can estimate that is she once told me about her contract at her new place was for 7 years, and I had been seeing her previous place for however long. As I’ve said previously, I have no concept of time.
For the past couple of weeks that we’d talk, I had mentioned the dutiful daughter idea. She told that in all the years she’d known me, I had never mentioned the idea of being the dutiful daughter. Her question to me is why I would put that pressure on myself.
As I’ve pondered her question for the past several days, it feels like an old wound. We talked about it earlier this week in fact. This brings up a dilemma.
We went into her office and sat down to talk. I started to talk and I could tell my 7-year-old alter was coming out to talk. My 7-year-old alter gave way to another alter.
My LMT/SLC (licensed massage therapist/spiritual life coach), mentioned to me after our talk that this alter had my age 7 alter’s essence, but was older. At first, I didn’t understand who she was talking about and thought that it was an now yet. But after further conversation, I said it was an alter named John.
My massage therapist said after meeting him for the first time, he had the age 7 alter’s essence but was older.
Now I have an issue here. I am not co-conscious with John, meaning when he comes out I have no idea what he is talking about or has said.
I can’t tell where I go or what happens to me. All I know is there is no memory of what was said or how long the conversation happened.
All I know is that my father dying has triggered a lot of stuff for me to deal with. I’m sorry if this blog isn’t clear, but it’s not clear to me at this point.