As I was writing up the first part, I suddenly remembered that there was another time I had a panic attack. I had a meeting in the basement of a church. When I went to this get-together, I had no idea it was in the basement of a church. As soon as I got into the basement, I began to have a panic attack. I had no idea this was going to happen. I had to leave. When I was talking about this to my massage therapist/spiritual life coach, it occurred to me that this fear isn’t something that has nothing behind it. I had been in a church after that when my sister got married, though that was not in a church basement.
As I was talking about this to my massage therapist, I remembered more instances of fear. While we were talking about basements, other things came up, particularly having to do with stairs. My issue with stairs concerns a particular type of stairs: open back ones. By that I mean the stairs with no vertical panel, only the horizontal boards.
As I talked to my massage therapist about this, I got a little confused as to where they were located. My mother was born in a small town about a 45 minute or so drive from the town I was born in (I almost said my hometown, but that doesn’t feel right anymore). I first thought that this house had those of stairs, but I can’t see where the stairs are located. I am a very visual person, so I see things in pictures, I have no picture as to where these stairs are, hence my doubt. I do have a picture in my mind of s basement with those type of stairs. I just doubt where they are.
In the photo I have in my mind, the stairs are not quite centered in the basement, they are off to one side. At the bottom of the stairs, to the right there is a door to another room. To the left is a large section of the basement. I believe there are wooden shelves against the wall, along with a washer towards the back of the room.
I guess since I’m not exactly sure where this had taken place, is of no consequence. I know it exists somewhere, and the important thing are the stairs, and they exist somewhere. These stairs are the open back stairs.
I wish I could say that I have completely overcome the stair issue, but that is not the case. It’s still a work in progress, but at least there has been some growth and healing in this area. It’s to the point now that I am a bit uncomfortable with them, but I can push through and go down them. Going upstairs has never been an issue for me. Only going down them.