In the state I born in, I went to an in-state college. I was 18 years old.
I went to the bookstore to get my list of books I needed for the semester, and I proceeded to the checkout. I had my checkbook out to write a check (no credit cards for college students then), once my books were checked out. I may have prefilled the check out, except the amount, but I don’t remember. Anyway, as I went to complete the check, I suddenly had a full-blown panic attack. It came out of left field so suddenly, I was not expecting whatsoever. My hands were shaking so bad. I did manage to fill the check out, but it left a deep mark on me for years.
I became self-conscious about possibly having another reaction like that. The key word there is “possibly” since it creates another layer of fear: the “what ifs.” What if I have the same panic attack as before? I couldn’t let that ever happen again. The what ifs became as bad as the panic attacks, since I had no idea when or where it might occur. I began to try to avoid situations where I might have to write a check. I would pay with cash when I could. This worked for a little while. And then…
The fear and reactions began spreading to other situations, not just writing a check in public.
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