In the past I had a very high pain tolerance. I remember a time when I was living with these crazy people (I should do a blog on these people!) I will do a blog about this experience.,
Anyway, there was a time when I put my hand on a hot stove. I don’t remember why, but I didn’t feel any pain at all. That was typical, there was another time when I saw a doctor (a specialist) and he asked me if it hurt. I remember saying that it didn’t hurt at that time, but it probably would later. The doctor replied that’s what he was afraid of. That was the first time I was honest with a doctor about not feeling pain at the time.
Depending on the circumstances, I will either not feel any pain or I am able to defer my physical pain until it was “safe.” Safe meaning hour later one I was out of the situation. The thing is I’m not even aware I was doing this. My tolerance for pain was very high.
Over the years as I’ve healed, my tolerance for pain has decreased, which I was glad to see. I am to the point where I can feel burns and things like that, at least a little bit, but not to the point where I experience excruciating pain. And as far as lower level of pain goes, this feels like an itch. That makes it hard for me to distinguish whether I have an itch or I’m actually in pain. It is a continuing process for me to be present in my body.
This also goes with emotions, to continue from the last blog. About the only emotion I knew was anger and fear. When I started the healing process, I had to learn to identify various other emotions I was feeling, other than anger or fear, once the healing process began.
Basically, I never handled things in the past at all. My pain tolerance was extremely high, I stuffed my emotions except fear and anger until I exploded, usually with anger. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the others were taking care of things for me.
