As I mentioned in a previous blog, I had jury duty about 20 years ago or so. At that time, I lived in a small city south of where I live now. I got called for jury duty in this county. I sat in the audience section, waiting as other people went up for questioning. this was a small county court. The audience seating was not completely filled. I ended up being called to the jury box.
I remember as I was sitting in the audience section watching other people answer questions, how it seemed like people had to bare their soul, so to speak. I felt bad for them. Then it was my turn. I don’t remember the questions, except that I think I had to mention my brother having spent time in jail (the case concerned an inmate in the jail and if I remember correctly, commissary or something like that).
Eventually, I was picked for the jury. The entire experience was okay. The trial didn’t last all that long, and we found him guilty (Note to self, never act as your own attorney because you have a fool for a client). I never had any shaking or anxiety or anything like that. That’s why I didn’t think it was an issue for me to do the jury duty last month. Boy was I wrong.
As I was writing the last blog post about my experience, I realized that there were reasons for the 2 different reactions. In the first trial, I wasn’t aware of my multiple personalities, but the second trial I was.
I’ll give examples of how “I” managed things before I knew about the others. Before I start, let me say that I have no concept of time. The only way I can look at the passage of time is by certain “landmarks”. Landmarks such as the house I lived in at the time, which State I lived in, where I worked, etc., You get the idea. I think the main reason for this has to do with “losing time” and various personalities coming out.
I’ll have to do a separate blog on losing time and what’s that like.
Anyway, back to before I was aware of the others. I remember one time when I was standing outside of a meeting hall talking to someone. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I do remember the emotions coming up from my abdomen up to my throat. And all of a sudden, it magically began to go back down again. I did not realize what was happening to me. It was as if it was an automatic response. The person I was talking to immediately asked me “how did you do that?” I had no idea what this person was talking about, and I replied, “did what?”
Even though I was aware on some deep level what was going on, it didn’t register on the surface.