Overcoming Decades of Wanting to Kill Myself

PT2

One thing I will say about my unsuccessful suicide attempt, was that it wasn’t my exit point. That’s a recent revelation on my part and I will be going into it in a future post. At any rate, it was not my time to go, hence the unsuccessful attempt. I did not know that at the time, however. To me, I felt like a failure. I couldn’t even do that right.

The hospital that I ended up at, via military helicopter, was a university hospital who wanted to keep me there. My mother said no, which was perhaps the only time I felt she looked out for me.

Time goes on and I end up in another state going to college there. I thought it was a fresh start.

You can run but you can’t hide.

Eventually, the suicidal thoughts came back because you can run but you can’t hide. And I thought by moving to a different place, things would be okay. And they were for a while.

The problems I ran away from managed to have found me in the State I was living in at the time. I was in college for about 1.5 years before I had to drop out. I began to seek out therapists once again because I knew there was something going on, I just didn’t know what.

It took way to long for me to discover the truth behind my strong and intense desire to die. And it wasn’t just suicidal thought either.

More on that next.

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